Unsure...

I'm lying in bed after a wonderful, though strange evening with the Roomie and a couple of friends. This week has been trying, to say the least, emotionally. After dealing with, though there is no after-I still am, the HIV reputation situation other things have started to pop up as well.

For Starters, there is Fishhook. I am pretty sure he knows this is his nickname, but I am doubtful he is reading this. He has completely swept me off of my feet! After both agreeing that we didn't want to date anyone or be with anyone seriously, we have grown so used to, fond of, and comfortable with each-other so very quickly. I worry about what happens next. All week this week we spent most of our time together. We did many things to prepare him for his trip to Vegas, including creating pads and styling wigs for him to wear. This will be only the second night I've had to sleep without him, and I'm already miserable...

I had lunch with an Ex today. It was an interesting experience to say the least. There is still, and will always be that elephant in the room with us, I think. There will always be the questioning from his side about why we broke up, when and where it happened. He seems to think there was another man, or a reason for my realizing it wasn't going to work.. I wish I knew how to explain it to him, but he has always thought he knew and understood more than he did... He kept it mostly to himself, but the feeling was there... That lunch, though quite nice, drained me...

I'm not sure where this is all going, or if it should go anywhere.. I think I'm too tired to be coherent in my writing tonight.

One thing I know for sure is that I have been hurt, and hurt others too many times. So while my Fishhook is in Vegas on his vacation I will spend some time reflecting on whether or not I should try with another guy at all......

Sweet Dreams