Loss...
I recently spent some time dating a man who is HIV Positive. It really shook some of my friends and family up emotionally, and I got lots of lectures about it… I was told I was everything from stupid and irresponsible to too much of a pushover and too quick to love. Those things are all true, but none of them as a result of that decision.
He broke my heart and did so without a care in the world, but that’s ok. The harder part has been since we broke up.
I found that some people in my community were telling each other that they thought I must be trying to become positive, because why else would you date someone who is….
Well, How about because you care for them. How about because you learn to love people for everything they are, not in spite of, and you certainly don’t write a person off because of one condition that they are already struggling with. How about because It’s a virus, a disease not stamp of immorality, or a reason to walk away from the potential for something beautiful? It didn’t work out, most relationships don’t, in fact, the chances of a healthy happy relationship are so slim, I dare say the HIV was the least of the issues we dealt with.(he was kind of a flake and immature beyond belief)
I later found out that someone in particular was telling everyone in my hometown that I’m the “guy who gives people AIDS, and doesn’t tell them.” Well this infuriated me, but not for the reasons one might think. I have never, nor will I ever be ashamed of who I am. I tell the truth, I am honest with my partners and my friends, and I always have been. I did not contract the virus, from this man or anyone else, I am still HIV Negative, Thank the Gods… But that is not the point. I know people who aren’t. I am incredibly close to, and love dearly people who have to live with that striking reality every morning when they wake up, or every night when they take their pills. It is not an easy life. I don’t care that I have a reputation for being Positive, if asked I’ll be honest and if you don’t believe me that is your loss, not mine. But I have an issue with a person who will say such damaging and hurtful things about me, because they dislike me. What would they say about my Brothers and Sisters who are really facing this awful future?
For the record, it is a federal offense to tell someone else’s status, whether positive or negative, whether you know accurately or not. To tell another person’s HIV status as you think it to be true, or lying maliciously, could cost you years in federal prison. I have chosen, for now, not to press those charges against this person. But I am thinking about it.
To end this all, I took a rapid results HIV test yesterday evening. It came out Negative. The requisite number of weeks to wait after any sexual contact with the person who was positive, and the test is 100% accurate when it reads negative. I am relieved, obviously, about the results. But this has had me thinking so many things.
Why have I worked so hard, for such a long time for this community to feel this betrayal and this kind of hatred? I feel embittered, and I feel jaded, and I feel angry. But most of all, I feel a sense of loss….
He broke my heart and did so without a care in the world, but that’s ok. The harder part has been since we broke up.
I found that some people in my community were telling each other that they thought I must be trying to become positive, because why else would you date someone who is….
Well, How about because you care for them. How about because you learn to love people for everything they are, not in spite of, and you certainly don’t write a person off because of one condition that they are already struggling with. How about because It’s a virus, a disease not stamp of immorality, or a reason to walk away from the potential for something beautiful? It didn’t work out, most relationships don’t, in fact, the chances of a healthy happy relationship are so slim, I dare say the HIV was the least of the issues we dealt with.(he was kind of a flake and immature beyond belief)
I later found out that someone in particular was telling everyone in my hometown that I’m the “guy who gives people AIDS, and doesn’t tell them.” Well this infuriated me, but not for the reasons one might think. I have never, nor will I ever be ashamed of who I am. I tell the truth, I am honest with my partners and my friends, and I always have been. I did not contract the virus, from this man or anyone else, I am still HIV Negative, Thank the Gods… But that is not the point. I know people who aren’t. I am incredibly close to, and love dearly people who have to live with that striking reality every morning when they wake up, or every night when they take their pills. It is not an easy life. I don’t care that I have a reputation for being Positive, if asked I’ll be honest and if you don’t believe me that is your loss, not mine. But I have an issue with a person who will say such damaging and hurtful things about me, because they dislike me. What would they say about my Brothers and Sisters who are really facing this awful future?
For the record, it is a federal offense to tell someone else’s status, whether positive or negative, whether you know accurately or not. To tell another person’s HIV status as you think it to be true, or lying maliciously, could cost you years in federal prison. I have chosen, for now, not to press those charges against this person. But I am thinking about it.
To end this all, I took a rapid results HIV test yesterday evening. It came out Negative. The requisite number of weeks to wait after any sexual contact with the person who was positive, and the test is 100% accurate when it reads negative. I am relieved, obviously, about the results. But this has had me thinking so many things.
Why have I worked so hard, for such a long time for this community to feel this betrayal and this kind of hatred? I feel embittered, and I feel jaded, and I feel angry. But most of all, I feel a sense of loss….
posted by Marshall at 4:09 PM
1 Comments:
Thank you for this, very well written.
I think we have to embrace the feelings of loss, and maybe even the jaded and angry feelings too, in order to process them.
The trick is not to stay there for too long, but to eventually move on.
And like with anything, we must acknowledge the progress that has already been made - properly celebrate it - and then roll our sleeves back up.
There is still a lot of work to accomplish in this lifetime.
Post a Comment
<< Home