Brokenness
There are so many people in this world that are broken, and I worry if this many individuals are broken, how broken are we as a whole?
Two topics are racing each other through my mind to write about.
The book "The Shack" by William P. Young and Fish-hook.
I've been focusing on writing poetry lately, because it was what I was inspired to write about, I felt I couldn't clearly put into prose what I've been thinking or experiencing. I guess tonight, the cards were dealt differently for once.
The Shack... My friend Brian gave me this book last weekend, not really explaining (probably knowing) what it was about but only having heard that "God" in this book manifests herself as a large African-American woman. I had a group of friends in H.S. who regularly discussed God as well as may other things most H.S. Students don't discuss, in our free time. We decided, mostly me, that if God ever manifested on earth She would come as an overweight, HIV Positive, Diabetic, Poor Obese Black Lesbian. My logic was that in order for My God to have the kind of empathy and compassion that She does, She would need to be on earth at, essentially, the bottom of the oppression ladder. I felt that was as bad as it could get in modern day America. (I shall say now that I have no empirical data to support this, but my mostly liberal friends and even some of my conservative ones would probably agree with me on this.)
So I picked up The Shack the other day, to start reading because I wanted something to occupy some down time. I wasn't really looking for anything in particular, but the book was sitting there, and it's relatively small, so I figured what the hell.... What the HELL is exactly my response... This book has me reading like Harry Potter, but gives me migraines at the same time.
The premise is simple (I'll simplify it even more now) Mack lost his 6 year old daughter a few years ago to a kidnapping/murder. Since then he has pushed farther into depression and not really had a healthy relationship with God, or anyone else for that matter. God beckons him to spend a weekend at the shack where his daughters murder presumably took place(they found her bloody dress there, but never located a body)
The good part happens of course when he shows up, and there for a weekend of intense concepts and great food are : God(Papa, Large Black woman who sings and cooks) Jesus(Handsome Hebrew Carpenter who likes to fish) and Sarayu(Asianish woman who is difficult to see clearly or focus on in anyway except through hearing her voice)
The first major migraine came to me while they are teaching Mack about relationship and love. these are the two major themes through the entire book, so far. Forgiveness, Healing, Faith, and many other things are touched upon as well, but I want to focus on Relationship for now.
"I prefer verbs over nouns"
A noun is something that is lifeless, it exists but it does nothing, brings nothing to the table, and can change nothing. A relationship is a dead object, without the ability to make anything better or fulfilling at all. To have "A relationship" means to have something that exists but has already been deadened and permanently so. To be "In Relationship" as in to relate with others, means to have a living, changing, breathing and evolving agreement with another person. This was a difficult concept for me, as it is.
But it gets heavier!!!
Relationships have no expectations, no rules, because being in relationship with someone or something means to love them or it, and Love, Real Love cannot be bound by rules or expectations, it takes the power and meaning of love away.
I had never thought of this before, and it is turning my world upside down!
I thought Love, True Love had to have a foundation, a structure to be built upon. Something institutional and strong to hold it together. But I think I've been wrong all along!!! Love is the foundation, it is the bond and the structure, It is what binds the relationship together, without expectations. (there is also discussion about expectancy versus expectations, which I still don't get so if you have any ideas or hints, let me know...)
I am focusing, for now, on this particular concept for now... I am working on realizing that Judgement happens because of expectations of people. Rules, Regulations and institutionalized notions of what is right and wrong in a relationship only drive wedges between the people/things in relationship with each other. Unconditional Love now had new meaning...
In that same theme, I'm struggling with, or rather have struggled with my being in relationship with Fish-Hook. When we first started hanging out we discussed not wanting anything serious, or a boyfriend at all really. And the more time we spent together, instigated equally by us both, the closer we got to that. He of course, like all men I meet and fall for, is broken and began panicking about that and pulling away. I of course, like I always do, saw that as a reason to reach out and try to grasp more which only pushed him further away...
The entire conflict came to a head tonight. After emailing each other back and forth a few times he told me what was going on. I told him I wanted to speak again, in person preferably, and he told me he would think about coming over tonight after work... After work, he told me he'd have to come by another time...
I pressed him a little, to make the time for us to talk... He said he needed to go away for a while and be a part of society again sometime soon. Without thinking much, I pushed him completely away, and said goodbye...
After all of this thinking about, processing, working on this idea of love, this new concept of relationship and forgiveness and healing and expectations I wrote him off quickly and cleanly, so as to protect myself from that pain I guess...
The world is full of broken people, so many individuals who refuse to allow pain, or love. People who want structure and foundations, but choose to build those without using love as the binding... And I think to myself, I'm just like them, really... So how do I fix my own brokenness, and can I do so while struggling to help others fix theirs as well?
Two topics are racing each other through my mind to write about.
The book "The Shack" by William P. Young and Fish-hook.
I've been focusing on writing poetry lately, because it was what I was inspired to write about, I felt I couldn't clearly put into prose what I've been thinking or experiencing. I guess tonight, the cards were dealt differently for once.
The Shack... My friend Brian gave me this book last weekend, not really explaining (probably knowing) what it was about but only having heard that "God" in this book manifests herself as a large African-American woman. I had a group of friends in H.S. who regularly discussed God as well as may other things most H.S. Students don't discuss, in our free time. We decided, mostly me, that if God ever manifested on earth She would come as an overweight, HIV Positive, Diabetic, Poor Obese Black Lesbian. My logic was that in order for My God to have the kind of empathy and compassion that She does, She would need to be on earth at, essentially, the bottom of the oppression ladder. I felt that was as bad as it could get in modern day America. (I shall say now that I have no empirical data to support this, but my mostly liberal friends and even some of my conservative ones would probably agree with me on this.)
So I picked up The Shack the other day, to start reading because I wanted something to occupy some down time. I wasn't really looking for anything in particular, but the book was sitting there, and it's relatively small, so I figured what the hell.... What the HELL is exactly my response... This book has me reading like Harry Potter, but gives me migraines at the same time.
The premise is simple (I'll simplify it even more now) Mack lost his 6 year old daughter a few years ago to a kidnapping/murder. Since then he has pushed farther into depression and not really had a healthy relationship with God, or anyone else for that matter. God beckons him to spend a weekend at the shack where his daughters murder presumably took place(they found her bloody dress there, but never located a body)
The good part happens of course when he shows up, and there for a weekend of intense concepts and great food are : God(Papa, Large Black woman who sings and cooks) Jesus(Handsome Hebrew Carpenter who likes to fish) and Sarayu(Asianish woman who is difficult to see clearly or focus on in anyway except through hearing her voice)
The first major migraine came to me while they are teaching Mack about relationship and love. these are the two major themes through the entire book, so far. Forgiveness, Healing, Faith, and many other things are touched upon as well, but I want to focus on Relationship for now.
"I prefer verbs over nouns"
A noun is something that is lifeless, it exists but it does nothing, brings nothing to the table, and can change nothing. A relationship is a dead object, without the ability to make anything better or fulfilling at all. To have "A relationship" means to have something that exists but has already been deadened and permanently so. To be "In Relationship" as in to relate with others, means to have a living, changing, breathing and evolving agreement with another person. This was a difficult concept for me, as it is.
But it gets heavier!!!
Relationships have no expectations, no rules, because being in relationship with someone or something means to love them or it, and Love, Real Love cannot be bound by rules or expectations, it takes the power and meaning of love away.
I had never thought of this before, and it is turning my world upside down!
I thought Love, True Love had to have a foundation, a structure to be built upon. Something institutional and strong to hold it together. But I think I've been wrong all along!!! Love is the foundation, it is the bond and the structure, It is what binds the relationship together, without expectations. (there is also discussion about expectancy versus expectations, which I still don't get so if you have any ideas or hints, let me know...)
I am focusing, for now, on this particular concept for now... I am working on realizing that Judgement happens because of expectations of people. Rules, Regulations and institutionalized notions of what is right and wrong in a relationship only drive wedges between the people/things in relationship with each other. Unconditional Love now had new meaning...
In that same theme, I'm struggling with, or rather have struggled with my being in relationship with Fish-Hook. When we first started hanging out we discussed not wanting anything serious, or a boyfriend at all really. And the more time we spent together, instigated equally by us both, the closer we got to that. He of course, like all men I meet and fall for, is broken and began panicking about that and pulling away. I of course, like I always do, saw that as a reason to reach out and try to grasp more which only pushed him further away...
The entire conflict came to a head tonight. After emailing each other back and forth a few times he told me what was going on. I told him I wanted to speak again, in person preferably, and he told me he would think about coming over tonight after work... After work, he told me he'd have to come by another time...
I pressed him a little, to make the time for us to talk... He said he needed to go away for a while and be a part of society again sometime soon. Without thinking much, I pushed him completely away, and said goodbye...
After all of this thinking about, processing, working on this idea of love, this new concept of relationship and forgiveness and healing and expectations I wrote him off quickly and cleanly, so as to protect myself from that pain I guess...
The world is full of broken people, so many individuals who refuse to allow pain, or love. People who want structure and foundations, but choose to build those without using love as the binding... And I think to myself, I'm just like them, really... So how do I fix my own brokenness, and can I do so while struggling to help others fix theirs as well?
posted by Marshall at 1:30 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home