Just Dunno...
Shades of Gray is an interesting blog, that cannot be pure truth. If it is, then this guy is 70 and cramming 50 years of sexually active life into a two year storyline. That's OK... His writing is amazing, and whether he is speaking from purely personal experience, or what he sees among others, or just his personal readings, and thoughts on love, he makes good points and tells good stories.
Maybe this is a good place to say, if you're reading this post because you think it will be profound or poignant, stop here... I'm not sure where this is going to go, i just felt the need to write...
So Shades of Gray has been a source of instructional knowledge for me. Its writing i can read and enjoy, and its fun not to mention hot...
anyway, there was a line in one post, somewhere in there, that resonated with me:
Maybe it really is possible to like someone the next morning...
Well I learned over the summer that was the case...
Picture It Sicily 1920 (ten points to the reader who catches that reference!!!)
No really, Marshall-Palooza 2007, August:
My friends had planned and helped to implement an AMAZING weekend long party for me, many people participated and it was a blast. The Saturday night festivities included the usual trip to my favorite bar... Always a good time.
Margaret, a good friend of mine (actually a Republican gay man, don't ask) was chatting with me and I was drunk and i pointed at a hottie and said, i want him for my birthday... well for the first time in my life immediate gratification...
Margaret marched over to him, told him it was my birthday and he should go home with me, and well he did. It wasn't quite that easy, it took a little conning on my part, but not a whole lot thank goodness...
Monday Disappointment, he has now been re-named, was amazing. He was great in the sack, I'm not going to deny that. But more importantly, he was funny, and he was a nice guy. And yes I was drunk, but it still felt good to cuddle with him afterward, I usually pull away from my partner at some point through the night, and wake up on opposite sides of the bed, rarely has that not been the case. I woke up late, uncomfortably hot, and still wrapped up tightly in his arms.
MD proved to be a good guy on the drive home, to his house, in the middle of nowhere, which made us late for breakfast. he was a good guy who understood the type of work i do, and the things i like. he was funny, and cool, and i like that combination. We spent a few days here and there hanging out, but things just didn't quite work out for dating. He is still a friend, and I look forward to hanging out with him tonight, as friends, but that part of me that can't be closed off is still open for him, hungry for affection, for love, for safety, for hot--uncomfortably hot, cuddling throughout the night...
Fast Forward to a whole new episode:
We met online, typical fags...
We spent the weekend, a week actually texting and chatting on the phone, getting to know each other enough to decide we were worth a date.
Strong, muscular body, cute face adorable smile, all the things physically that knees of gay men buckle over...
"What was the last book you read?" (this is the question that usually kills my dates, as I'm not interested if the answer is "The Life Times and Crack Habits of Paris Hilton")
"A Soldiers Story- a coming of age story about a soldier's first love during the WWII with an Austrian soldier"
WOW
"I'm going shopping" he says
"buy me something pretty!"
"A mirror?" (Who the hell says things like this? Who the hells says things like "a mirror" when you ask for something pretty?!?!?! Thats a line straight out of Sleeping Beauty, only written by someone with wit!)
It was an amazing date, great kisser, wonderful cuddler, brilliant wine choices(he even remembered that i love dry red wine, without asking)
It was fabulous, until the next morning.
"I don't thin I want to ever see you again"
"Hmmm?" I said, while stirring my coffee...
"We aren't meant to be together, and I really like you, I could easily fall in love with you, and that means that to protect you and me both, we can't date. We can be friends or whatever, but nothing more. If you hate me I understand, I'm sorry. I have to go to work"
WTF?!?!?!?!?!
So tonight I'll go home to cook dinner, and I'll use my new mirror to touch up my make up. And Monday Disappointment will come over, and I'll have Jaguar(that's what we'll call him) on my mind, and I'll have Galan on my mind, and I'll be wishing I could sleep with MD... We'll eat red enchiladas, because cooking the Red Chile is therapeutic, and we'll watch Ugly Betty and Grey's Anatomy, and He'll go home. And I'll once again crawl into my bed alone, reminding myself:
If nothing else, I know I'm not the failure...Right...right? There's nothing wrong with me!!!!
And then I'll roll over into my Doubt-tightly gripping the pillow that replaces a lover--and fall asleep...
posted by Marshall at 8:26 PM
3 Comments:
Aw. I love you. Don't forget to wash the dishes after the red chile because crusty redchile pans that have been sitting around for two weeks are not that easy to wash :)
HA HA I didn't take that into consideration, i'm going to have to do that before and after i cook tonight then...oooops. I need a maid!!!
Apparantly you need your girls back...although you better be careful because we might come to resent your enchiladas for all the red chili we (well, Gaby) have had to scrape off. And that would be no good at all because they are AMAZING (and I miss them like crazy, which is a feat because I don't normally like red enchiladas)
Also, wow, I had a total flashback to Marshallflag reading the end of that post. That's pretty much how it went down, only over a slightly longer period of time...and he wasn't nearly as straightforward. So at least you got it over with and he was honest?
I love you my darling and I miss you much more than I miss your enchiladas, which is saying something :-P
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