A Journey Forward

As anyone who has ever peaked at my blog has undoubtedly noticed, I go through spurts of blogging desire followed by too much activity, or lack of computer access or plain blocking, and don't post for a while.  This is not my first year long sabbatical, but this time I will not promise to be better about posting. I know better.

My last post, very near one exact year ago, I had so many things happening in my life.  That isn’t new nor has it changed since, but the adventures, they are ever-changing.

It has been roughly 6months since I gave up my crown as Miss NM Pride. I learned a lot form that year, but mostly is re-inspired my motivation to become an activist again. Not a political activist, the political world really is too much for my delicate soul. But a community oriented advocate and activist; someone who creates real change within the lives of individuals in their struggles. 

In the time since my last post, a year, I have experienced many emotional and mental changes as well.  I have fallen head over heels inescapably and inexplicably in love with someone.  It was a wonderful time being with him.  I have no doubt that The Goddess has decided to teach me a lesson. I’m not sure yet what the lesson was/is, but suffice it to say this adventure didn’t end well.  I never had trust issue before, but I certainly do now.  I don’t know when I will get over this issue of trust, but it is not likely to be soon.  Nothing hurts more, than believing every word someone says only to have them tell you later, “I didn’t quite mean it I was saying it to make you feel good.  “   I suppose I must have presented the weak side of me to him, maybe it wasn’t really worth it to begin with, but there is no use revisiting the past too much right? Chalk it up to mistakes made, and move on.

And that is exactly what I have done.   Even though my plan was to pack up my life and move across the country for this guy (at his request and urging, mind you) I am glad to have stayed after all.  I have recently taken on a renewed excitement and love for work with HIV+ people and find myself especially excited about new projects I want to see happening in my home state.   I was recently crowned Princess Royale of the United Court of the Sandias (http://www.ucsandiasnm.org/) which is a lot of responsibility but also a lot of exciting potential.  The organization has raised thousands of dollars for amazing charity organizations, and my Empress, Mikayla, is ready to work with me on ideas for new Charities that will help communities struggling in our area.  I am excited about this opportunity, and I think The Goddess, in her infinite wisdom, has granted me an opportunity to heal heartbreak through action, regain trust in many while remembering not to put it in one, and most of all, pursue my dream and calling again. 

A long standing dream of mine. 

The NAMES Quilt (http://www.aidsquilt.org/about/the-aids-memorial-quilt) Has not been in one city since 1996.  That year I saw that it was in DC, being unrolled on the national monument, and swore to myself that I would see it in person one day.  I have seen pieces of it, in museums, and at events, but because it has never been in one place I have never been in the city, in the energy of the Quilt. 

July of this year I twill be in DC again, along with the World AIDS Conference.  I will be going.  I do not know how I will make my journey but I will I will be there and I will feel that energy. 

This is the beginning of a moving forward process.  Moving forward in love, with love toward love. For my fellow human beings.  I do not need romantic love, and in fact probably have too much love for one person to deserve.  Thank you for teaching me that lesson, and pushing me forward toward my real goal in life. Making it better for others.

Please join me on my journey, in the short term, toward the Quilt in July (donations of airline miles and money for a ticket appreciated) and in the long term while I realize the goal of changing the world for people living with HIV and those who have yet to, hopefully never will be, stricken with it.

I look forward to you joining me on this journey, and welcome your input, strangers, friends, and everyone in between…

In peace, solidarity and compassion…