I-I-I-I-I'm Coming Out!!!

Today is National Coming Out Day…

It was seven years ago today, when I officially came out to my friends in school. It is a story many of my friends have heard, and some of whom, remember. I was sitting outside the school, I was a junior, and an un-ordinarily large group of us were eating lunch together. Usually there were a handful of us who ate together, but this day, for whatever reason, there were close to 30 of us eating lunch together. We all knew each other and considered each other friends, through many classes and events, and activities. It is a friend of mine’s birthday. Sarah. Birthdays were a big deal to our group of friends, in fact, maybe that’s why so many of us were eating together. She had opened her presents, and we had sung, and done all the crazy goofy stuff that a traditionally nerdy group of high school students would do for a birthday. I remember one of the gifts so clearly; we had a habit of making up new words to describe situations or items that needed specific, or sometimes new naming. Witch-Matttic was one of the words, there was a big emphasis on making the spelling as random as possible, to keep the words a part of our language. Witch-Matttic described a certain type of shoe, with a pointy toe, and usually involving a heel. The group of us put together words, definitions, and pictures of the entire language we had created thus far, and given it to Sarah, the writer in our group for her birthday; I think we also actually bought her a pair of really cute Witch-mattic shoes, with a buckle, making them more so.

I digress a bit. You see, after we all had our Sarah gift giving time, I stood up to tell the group something. (As I write this my stomach gets all fluttery and tied up, just like that day)
I said to the group, today is National Coming Out Day, and I need to tell you all something. I had forced myself to believe, one year previous, that it would be ok to come out on NCOD, and just days before it happened, Matthew Sheppherd was beaten, and the news was continuously covering what has happening. Needless to say, I wasn’t going to come out after that. (thank God I didn’t, as my mother would’ve freaked out I think, to find out her son was gay the day before national news announced that a man only two or three years older than I was beaten and then died, for being gay.)

When I came out, the only thing I faced was the fierce jealousy of Sarah, whose birthday had been the highlight of the day until that moment I finished that sentence. I am gay. Everyone knew, it was no secret, from my friends, or from the people in school, (though Michelle never knew, I guess, until that evening at Wal-Mart, in the soup isle) that I was queer, but this was the first time I actually said it out loud, to people, in a group, like that. It was heart wrenching. (Good thing you’re reading this instead of witnessing it, I decided to look my best today, in honor of the holiday, and now that I’m crying my make up is running everywhere.)

Don’t worry, this will get political soon enough, I know you’re waiting.

I am honored to have the family I have, and to have the friends I have. There are no secrets in this office, I’m as gay as a goose, and no one on my office staff has anything to say about it at all. My mother is very accepting, having recently met my boyfriend, and (to the best of my knowledge) liking him very much. My best friend in the whole world is sitting behind the table of the Statewide GLBT organization on campus right now, helping other youth to feel comfortable coming out, making them feel comfortable in this world, letting them know they are not alone in this world, and that they have support from both the other members of the GLBT community, and from her. She is a heterosexual woman, loving her friends, her family, and caring not at all about who they fall in love with.

My boyfriend is on campus, doing his fabulous thing, (something that makes me proud no matter what he thinks) helping these youth to come out, and to be brave in the process.

I have to think about all the things I’ve done, and the blessings I’ve been handed in the last seven years, since coming out. I work in politics, with the Democratic Party and candidates from that party, as well as other organizations. I have never had a candidate who treated me differently than other volunteers, or staff. I’ve never had any friction in a work space, on any campaign or organizational staff because of my sexual orientation. I’m quite proud of the things I’ve done, and I won’t say that often.

When I came to work on this campaign, one of the most popular things I’ve encountered was happening, one of my co-workers was calling it my “sexual preference,” and I corrected him. I explained it clearly, preference is a choice between two acceptable options, whereas orientation is not an optional thing, but rather something determined for us. Or, as I said to him, preference is in a bed, rather than an air mattress. Both acceptable places for sex, but one preferred over the other. The drive to have sex with, and more importantly, fall in love with, a man is not a choice. It has been determined for me. After one time explaining this to him, he changed his language, and if he uses preference, he apologizes and corrects himself. The blessing of working with liberals maybe?

My God doesn’t make mistakes. My co-worker constantly refers to the fact that My Pope is, according to Vatican Law, infallible. Well, I don’t necessarily think this is true, but I know my God is. My God created me the way s/he wanted me. Gay. Queer. Fabulous!

Thanks to the people who have so loved, accepted, and understood me in my life. To all my heterosexual friends who have braved a gay bar to hang out with me, knowing for once what its like to be the minority, and maybe be a little uncomfortable even with the alcohol. Thanks to my best friends, Michelle and Ambrosia both who have worked tirelessly to achieve equality for me, and my loved ones, my brothers and sisters. Thanks to my bosses, and candidates, and co-workers, and friends who have made my life so full of variety, richness, and challenges, none of them related to being Queer.

Thanks to everyone I know out there and those I don’t know who have had the courage to come out. Thanks to those of us who come out everyday, by wearing jewelry, shirts, stickers, and such that announce our Orientation to the world. And thanks to those youth, for whom I have so much hope, because you will one day come out. You may know that today is not the day, that now isn’t the time in your life to do so, but someday you will. And that, my siblings, is good enough!