Re-rebirthing

Holy Week begins on Sunday, of Passover on Monday, Yesterday was The Feast of Ostara the Spring Equinox.

I have always been fascinated with the concept of rebirth, and through my evolution from Christianity, to atheism, to Catholicism to my Practical Paganism as I now call it, and have always been excited by the running theme of rebirth-Whether the rituals of Spring and honoring the return of life to the planet, the return of Demeter to her Mother, The survival and thriving of a Jewish People after suffering or the Resurrection of a Savior and Messiah after Dying in the heat of the Day.

The idea of rebirth is hitting home in a different way this year for me.  While I have found myself in the last few years, and especially the last few months, caught up in trivial drama, petty bickering and useless struggles with friends, family and loved ones, I am being reminded of a larger picture this year.

On the eve of her Most High Holy Day as a Christian, someone I’ve become close to is making her lover, friend partner and husband comfortable in what is likely the final few days, or even hours of his battle with HIV and multiple other illnesses to complicate it.

This phone call today, the request for visitation in the hospital that came, was like a car accident in the middle of a long stretch of Highway.  After watching this struggle for months, and this steady downward spiral into less and less likely of a “happy ending” I still had no real clue that this might happen so quickly.  And especially wasn’t prepared for holding the hand, comforting or having to be strong for someone I love losing a loved one again.

I will say this, the concept of LOVE changes daily for me.

This spring, while some celebrate a Resurrection, and some honor a struggle and exodus, others will celebrate with eggs and candy and some will eat bitter herbs and re-live their Baptisms.  I will commit to this:

I will bathe in the water of cleansing spirituality, to rid myself of the negativity that I have acquired, the sucking and smothering energies of others and of past sufferings, to be reborn a new and whole person.

I will meditate on the suffering of those who have come before me, and of those I know and love who suffer greater struggles than I, I will try to learn from their experiences, and recall that suffering is a part of our plan, the destiny we have to live and that we will overcome it, but that my suffering could be worse and that I could do more to alleviate that of others.

I will pray on the idea of resurrection, of the greatest sacrifice given, that of Love and Life for the healing of others. Knowing that this may very well be the ultimate in sacrifice, it is one made by so many everyday for something bigger than that which we are able to see.

And I will allow myself to fall apart, not hold it together not be strong not be powerful but be human and humane in these times of struggle, regardless of the thoughts of others or the perception of my peers. I will allow myself that time to be hurting and vulnerable but also remind myself that I am strong. That like the flowers and the grasses, like the Sun and the Warmth, like The Savior and the People before me, this is a time of Resurrection and Rebirth for me. 

I commit this Spring, this Holy Week, this Passover that rebirth will begin with my mind, my body, my soul and my love, and that I will use that strength to generate more love, more aide, more compassion and more justice than I have in the past. 

That, and that a handful of Cadbury Mini-Eggs are all I need to be a new person!