Bad Advice

No one can make you feel anything you don’t choose to feel. 

I have heard this repeatedly for most of my adolescent and adult life.  It’s a part of the summary of “The Four Agreements” Which I dislike by the way.  It’s the advice of “gurus” like Maya Angelou, and others.  It is often repeated by Oprah, and Dr Phil as well as a good portion of the mentors and friends that I look up to, or look to for support and advice. 

I understand the sentiment in this statement, this idea. I don’t necessarily think it is ever said with malice, in fact that it is said to help people understand that they are relinquishing power to others when they allow themselves to feel a certain way, as a result of something that is said or done by someone else.

I do, however, think it is among the most irresponsible and inaccurate bit of advice regarding individuals and the way we live our lives.  I think it is dangerous, and callous and selfish way to look at life, and I think it is contributing to a way of thinking that is destroying the moral character of the universe.

Now before it sounds like I’m some right-wing preacher, going on about the degradation of society and what not, I have a different idea of morality than many I realize…

I am an incredibly faithful and spiritual person. In fact I have so much faith and spirituality that One Religion cannot contain it all and I have to practice many of them.  (If you are opposed to religion in anyway, then this is a good place to stop reading, nothing from here on out will change your mind or make any sense to you.  Also, let me just clarify once again, that militant atheists are incredibly annoying and I’d like not to have a conversation about why I should stop practicing religion or being faithful, keep it to yourself)

My faith tells me that this universe is all connected.  You may believe in God, the Father the creator of all things, heavenly and earthly, etc… Or the Goddess, who is and makes up all things from the water in the ocean to the tiny cactus struggling to survive in the dessert.  It is my belief that all Religions lend themselves to the concept of a connected universe.  In fact, even Star Wars says this to be true, with use of The Force, it is a demonstration of the connectedness of the universe. 

So if there is this connectedness, then it stands to reason that the things we say, do and even feel are actually incredibly powerful and have major impact on those around us.  I worked for an environmental organization during the presidential election of 2004.  And we had a guest volunteer come and speak to us, one day about the spirituality of the environment.  A Catholic nun, mind you, was talking to us about the ability of humans to affect the universe around us and the life properties of physical objects.  There had been a study in Japan, of ways to clean and purify the water that had been impacted by the Atomic Bombs.  (The radioactive properties in the water are still heavily present and still contributing to the cancer rates of the Japanese people over 60 years later.) One of things that was found was that singing to the water, physically singing out loud to the water or playing recording of human voices singing, began to change the properties in the water so that it could start the process of cleansing and purifying itself on a molecular level.  That is to say that the Water was reacting to the voice of a human, and healing itself.

 Is that a little too hippie for you? Probably. But that’s ok, I’m the guy who still asks permission of the Earth before picking a flower or cutting a plant, and says thank you for the blessing of the life force of living things. 

So It stands to reason, for me, that if Water can heal from the power of a human voice why then, would the power of human voices not have the power to hurt as well?

Yes, if someone says you are fat and ugly, and you let it bother you for a long time you are in fact, allowing that to happen. And I am not saying that we can blame all of our emotions on someone else.  That’s not true, we can be hurt or angry but we have to learn how to control the way we deal with those emotions after the fact.   But what I am saying is if I tell you something, with malice, or worse, with disregard for your feelings, I am hurting you. You are going to be hurt.  It might not cripple you, and maybe if you spend all day crying in bed, then you are allowing it to hurt you more than necessary. But the sting is always there. 

Why is this so important to me? Well because I think the world has become more callous, self absorbed, and immoral than it was in the past, (given my tiny fragment of perspective) and that this is degradation of the universe happening.

I believe fully that our intentions and the energy we put out into the universe comes back to us! I hear this all the time from my friends, and family, even those who tell me that whole line about others not making us feel a certain way.  So if putting positive thoughts out there will reap positive benefits. And if our intentions with an individual or a situation make it better or worse,  if thinking positively can keep us from becoming ill or catching a cold, then why can our words and the energy we put behind them not have the same affects on another person?

I end with this thought:

The Ancient Egyptians believed that words contained all the Magic and energy in the universe.  They believed words to be the powerful force in existence.  They believed that their Gods, their deities had secret names and that if you wanted to harm or kill a living Deity you merely had to find a way to acquire their secret name, or that of any person for that matter.  That merely using the word Ma’at, or “Order” would help to create order in the world, and fight the chaos that was considered so dangerous in their world.  If the power of one word is ultimate, can control the Gods and change the universe, then why can’t we be slightly more mindful of our words and their intentions, and realize, that we can in fact make someone feel a certain way?  It only makes sense to me. And besides, even if we can’t shouldn’t we live as if we can?