Dancing in the darkness

It was like finding a piece of furniture in the dark

That initial pain-then recognition of what had happened…

But reaching for the light, you stopped me. 

You begged-promised it wouldn’t’ hurt again if I left the light off.

So I fought you, and struggled

Wrestling with you, with demons-with furniture in the dark I struggled for the light.

Too many bruises, too much pain – I’ve bled too much that way – I said.

Don’t be scared, you said.  And I tried…

But with a fear so deeply rooted, it kept finding me again. 

The fight was exhilarating, and when I finally submitted-something incredibly difficult for me to do – giving up on the light, releasing to the darkness and the dance, you pulled me closer than I’ve ever been.

I can still hear that whisper in my ear- I won’t let you hurt_ you said

I can still feel the air whirling around the room from the spinning, the excitement, the joy, the freedom of dancing in the darkness!

We danced through that darkened room, you held me close, and we guided each other around obstacle after obstacle. Things that should have hurt, things that barely missed us, but we succeeded, we navigated that room with all the love and joy and freedom we needed, we danced in the darkness-it was breathtaking, beautiful and strong.

The beauty was short lived, and I had no idea what you were doing.

You broke my trust, and you just let go.

No warning, no heads up, no movement in the dance that indicated, and I flew – blindly- wildly – quickly

The chair, the table, the couch, the wall, they all felt like baseball bats being swung at me, full force!

I hit the ground, broken, immobile, and bleeding, scars ripped open, new wounds gaping…

You laughed while I cried…

You walked away while I bled…

That’s how it ended, for you… that image, that memory, or maybe you didn’t even bother with that much…

But you broke that promise and let me with the pain…

I regret very little in my life, but this is one dance I wish I had never had…