Preparation...

I am so tired from last night’s fundraising show; I struggled with being able to write today.  The show was mostly a success, not quite at our goal for fundraising efforts, but pretty close considering what we had to work with.

I felt so much love and pride and encouragement from my family of performers and friends in ABQ. It was an amazing evening without a doubt!

I am trying to prepare myself mentally for this trip. It is going to be difficult, to say the least.  I am so excited about seeing my Nugget, one of my best friends for so long and it has been too long since I’ve seen him! And the cute boys I know in DC and that are coming to visit from NYC, will be great fun.

But while performing my final number last night I was hit really hard by the reality of this trip.  I have always approached HIV from an advocacy perspective, and being Negative, that is the best place for me I think. But there is a secondary component that I and so many other Negative advocates and such can do as well. We can be friends, be lovers, be confidantes and be support systems.  I don’t’ know if I’m ready to face the reality, the numbers and the names, the faces and the toys that will be on the quilt. I’m not quite sure If I can process it all, and be well when I return home.  But one thing I’m clear about, this trip is necessary.  It is important to honor these people, and important to love them even after they are gone. And important to remember, that they are our Brothers and Sisters, every single one of them.