Keys are forever objects - switching gears

I’ve never really liked to get rid of keys.  I had absolutely no trouble losing them when I was young, locked out of my house many times because I didn’t know where it was, but as an adult I’ve always thought of them as sacred.  I have copies still of the keys to many of my old apartments and houses.  I usually make copies right away and save the originals to give back the exact ones I received.  But the keys I actually use to a place of residence, well that is for me to keep. 

I would never use it to get back into a house I no longer live in, (though I would assume if you a landlord re rents a place changing the locks would be the first thing on the list) but I like knowing I still have that connection to that space.  The key unlocks more than the house for me, it unlocks the feelings, the memories, the emotions of the house.  That key, still accesses all the tears shed in that space. It holds the opening closed, or opens the closed off doorway to laughter and smiles.  To nights lying not eh couch cuddling, and watching TV until someone falls asleep.  It is a reminder of the morning spent lying in bed, talking about the fun of the night before, or sharing the disappointment of what never happened.  I have keys in my possession that will never open a physical door again, but they sure do open the floodgate of tears, happy and sad ones, over the fights and the makeup sessions; the lonely nights and the gathering of friends drinking and eating and enjoying the company.

I recently had a relatively awkward starting conversation, with someone very close to me who still has a key to my place of residence.  I mentioned that my locks had changed because of issues in my apartment complex, and his immediate response was (paraphrased) Do I have to get rid of my key!?

This thought sunk like bricks in my chest.  (Strange, given only recently, I wanted the very same back from him)

I immediately assured him he should keep it. “keys are forever objects” I told him.  I mean this to be true.   I am realizing, through the lens of a key, that truly there are some people who never can be completely erased from our hearts. And there are some places that can always be reopened. And that we have to hold on to those, and value them.  I’ve been bitter, and I’ve been angry- with this and so many other persons- in my past.   I probably will be again.  There are former lovers and friends that I will likely never see to speak to again, but I have realized they taught me things, and I am reminded they gave me thing that cannot be ungiven.  I’ve boxed up those DVDs refusing to watch them, though they are some of my favorite. And I’ve replaced those accessories, or pictures, because I couldn’t bear to look at them again.  But that didn’t get rid of the moments of happiness, the heartbreak, the feeling of kindred spirits or the desire to be close once again. 

I might never…. No, I would never, reopen the relationship with the same key, that lock has changed.  But I don’t’ really want to throw it away either.  I could certainly see using my old keys for a necklace, or wind chime someday.  Why not the same for those old relationships? Friends can be friends after having been more? I’ve been told this is the case. 

I don’t know why I was always more willing to throw away a relationship, than a key, but that’s who I was.  I don’t know if I can change it now, but I’ll certainly try!

 I hope this key means as much to him as it does to me.  Because when I see him twenty years from now, I would hope to catch a glimpse of ladybugs on his key ring, regardless of the physical use of the key.  He will, no doubt, see the connection in my heart-it will never go away-and I will stop trying to make it do so!